Purposely Flawed and Preserved for a Plan
In a small two-bedroom home, I stood captive. A hostage of what would be the very thing that kept me imprisoned for over 26 years. At the innocent age of five, I was unable to comprehend what had just been asked of me. I was unaware that my innocence had just died.
For years I carried the weight on my shoulders, never understanding why this had happened to me. The open wound that lingered throughout my childhood became an infection in my adolescence years. It was a wound I couldn’t heal. It was a pain that wouldn’t go away no matter how much alcohol or how many men I consumed. I looked for anything to cover the wound. I searched in all the wrong places for a healer. I, Lacretia Fields (AKA), was self-destructing.
I grew up in a loving home with both parents and so much family support. As an adult, however, I was still dealing with past demons such as insecurity, low self-esteem, and the vivid images of the death of my innocence that replayed in my head. I never quite understood how to shake it all. I knew I was lost, and self-medicating wasn’t working anymore.
At the age of twenty-three, I got tired of walking through the same wilderness over and over. I was at my lowest and felt abandoned by those I trusted. I vividly remember going down on my knees and finally surrendering to God. Once I surrendered, it was at that very moment that I felt the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. God released me from what had held me captive for so many years. I was finally able to experience God for myself. It was then that He captured my heart.
I wish I could say I got my life together at that very moment, but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. For several more years I ran from my past. It was difficult to accept all that God had “allowed” because I didn’t understand that type of love. But I finally realized God had allowed it all because He entrusted me with His plan for my life. God was doing a work in me that I couldn’t see, and it was up to me just to trust Him. The pain I encountered and had to endure was always “His plan.” The very things that caused turmoil in my life were strengthening and preparing me. All the pain has been God’s way of equipping me to handle the great things He has in store for my life.
No, I’m not perfect, but God has a simple way of reminding me that I’m worth it. His Holy Spirit whispers in my ear and reminds me that God is my Help and source of strength, even on my worst day. Today, I can sincerely smile through the pain because I know God is sculpting this flawed figure into a masterpiece.
My imperfections are what God is using for His perfection. He reminds me every day that I’m flawed but worthy to be used by Him. The very pains that kept me bound for years, He is using to encourage others and, most importantly, glorify Him. He has a great work to do in all of us, and I am determined to allow His work to be done in me so I can be “crowned” and hear those words, “Well done thy good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21).