As little girls we read fairytales and believed that all stories had happy endings. For years we had no reason not to think that fairytales always came true. As we grew older, we stepped into relationships with hope, dreaming about falling in love and creating a life filled with the happily-ever-after ending of fairytales.
Oftentimes we imagine what our dating relationships will be like—even before we meet the person. And although we may attempt to create a fairytale life, sometimes another voice tries to convince us that the relationship is over or that maybe the other person doesn’t feel the same about you. Then we rationalize and fantasize about the possibilities of what could have been. I’ve learned that what causes us to linger in our pain and stay longer than we should after it’s over is our imagination.
I know all too well what it’s like to fall in love with a person in my imagination, imagining what it would be like if I were in a relationship with this person. And after a relationship ends, I imagine what it would be like if we were still together. But the truth is, that’s not how the story goes!
What brought me to this conclusion was my prayer to the Lord, asking why did this happen to me again? Why do I love someone who doesn’t love me the same? Why do I want to date someone who doesn’t want to date me? Then here came the lies with the maybe’s and the what if’s?
The truth is God will no longer allow me to build a life in my imagination! I have come to understand that there is a difference in having faith and living in a fairytale. I realized that by creating a love story in my imagination I was only creating a story full of lies and deception. I realized that I was lying to myself. I learned that in order for me to be healed, I had to face the truth: this person was not for me. The Bible declares “we shall know the truth and the truth will make us free.” I had to face the fact that in order for God to heal me, I had to look at the truth. I could no longer lie to myself. I am getting older, and I don’t want to keep repeating the same cycle of imagining love.
It was so difficult for me to comprehend the fact that I had built my relationships on fairytales, or for the lack of a better term, my imagination. When we live in our imagination we decorate the truth with excuses. When we live in our imagination we bandage our reality with ointment called deception. I had to start a real conversation with myself. If you are going to be free, if you are going to be healed, if you are going to love yourself, then you must get rid of the fairytales. Now whenever I start to imagine the what if’s and the possibilities, I immediately tell myself the truth and cast down the imagination.
At the end of last year I started praying, “God teach me how to love me.” I didn’t realize that part of that process was letting some people go, or even stepping out of my imagination into reality. I had to face the fact that some relationships just weren’t meant to be and that hurts. I learned that when you’re learning to love yourself, this means you will make better decisions concerning yourself. Part of that is to tell yourself the TRUTH. You cannot make better decisions living in your imagination. These four steps can help you step out of your imagination:
1) Confront your imagination. What story did you create in your mind? How did it blind you from the truth?
2) Challenge your Imagination. When thoughts, possibilities, and maybe’s arise, challenge them by reminding yourself of the truth. “Truth is…”
3) Cast it down. I realized that in those moments that I needed to ask the Lord to help me cast it down. I had to overcome the thoughts of what did I do? Why didn’t they want me? What’s wrong with me?
4) Cast your cares on God. I knew He was taking me through this process for a reason, which was so that my latter days would be greater than my former. It was so that I can start building a life not based on fiction but on fact and that God’s love for me is real.
With Him I can have a happy ever after.
I am Beautifully Speaking,