Is the Man You’re Dating Right for You?

When’s the last time you walked through the airport to get on a plane? One thing is for sure. You walked through a metal detector—the electronic device that beeps when it detects a problem object. Wouldn’t you love it if there was such a thing as a “relationship detector”? Something that could identify problems hiding beneath the surface? Would you open yourself up to that kind of examination?

I love it that as Christians we have a “detector” inside of us—the Holy Spirit. He’s God’s agent who guides our course, giving us warnings of red flags. Sometimes His signal is obvious, but we don’t hear it because we’re not listening. So just how do you know if the man you’re dating is right for you?

Here’s the “metal detector” test for relationships. Are you brave enough to walk through it? Go ahead and try. Concerning your relationship with this man:

  • Do you wrestle with a lack of peace?

  • Do your children have a special place in his heart?

  • Do you bicker and quarrel more than you laugh and share?

  • Do you feel inadequate when you’re with him?

  • Do you walk on pins and needles, drained and afraid you’re going to upset him?

  • Do you compromise your values in order to keep him around?

  • Do you feel like it’s your job to fix him?

  • Do you disagree about spiritual things, finances, or parenting styles?  

  • Do you make excuses for his flaws: anger outbursts, alcohol problems, or irresponsibility?

  • Do you ignore what those who love you the most are telling you about him?

How did you do? Were warnings going off in your spirit? Don’t ignore them.

Now let’s walk through the detector again with some new questions. Concerning your relationship with this man:

  • Do you find comfort that he prays with you and for your children?

  • Do you turn to Scripture when he’s around in order to find answers to the problems you face?

  • Do you feel refreshed after spending time with him?

  • Do you have a peace that he honors your body, your children, and your well-being?

  • Do you feel secure in his presence?

  • Do you laugh a lot and are free to be yourself?

  • Do you want your children to be raised by him?

  • Do you listen to the counsel of others concerning his character?

  • Do you agree on parenting styles, how to spend money, and how to handle the children’s biological father if he’s still in the picture?

  • Do you want to become more like Christ because He is at your side?

How did you do? Though these questions are not definite indicators, they can bring some truths to light. I’m glad it’s not my responsibility to take you any further concerning this matter. Hey, I have my own Holy Spirit beeps to listen to.

"When the Spirt of Truth comes, He will guide you into all truth." John 16:13

About Pam Kanaly   Read more by this author...

Aloha! I’m Pam Kanaly, President and co-founder of Arise Ministries. But actually, I think Arise found me wanting to bless single moms years ago. Ministry was never on my mind as a kid. All I wanted to be was a hula dancer. So Mother enrolled me in the tiny tots’ class. Guess God knew I'd have two grandbabies born in Hawaii. I love the great outdoors. You might even find me spending time with my husband grizzly bear watching or camping. In fact, it was on a turkey hunt that God gave me the name Arise Ministries in 2002. I suppose it’s a good thing that I majored in Grammar in college since I love to write words of encouragement to single moms. Join me at

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