The Importance of Friendship

As a child growing up in Colorado, I remember my favorite thing in the world was when the doorbell rang and I’d hear a familiar voice inquire of my mother, “Can Shelley come out and play?”  If my chores were complete, I’d bolt out the door to spend hours escaping in fun and adventure with a treasured playmate.  

The gift of play.  It’s how we formed our first friendships.  When we’re young, we’re more open to making friends and throwing ourselves wholeheartedly into being with them.  There was lots of time – hours and hours to spend goofing off at sleepovers, hanging out at the mall, playing sports, and talking about boys.  All that activity builds a close relationship. 

But as adults, how often does our doorbell chime and someone ask us to come out and play?  We are so absorbed and entangled in work, family, and obligations that friendships are the first thing to be relegated to the back burner.  We don’t lose the need, we lose the ability.

But according to research, that is the worst thing we can do for our emotional and physical health.  Psychologists think friendship in our lives is more important than ever before.   Landmark studies suggest that friendships between women are special.  Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. There's no doubt friends are helping us live longer.   

Yet, if friends counter the stress that seems to swallow up so much of our life these days, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our life, why is it so hard to find time to be with them?   Because sandwiched between the burden of work, family obligation, and personal disciplines, friendships often becomes optional.  It’s really a mistake because women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another.  How are friendships with you? 

Over the years I have cultivated close, meaningful friendships that have endured the test of time.  I have formed bonds that were beneficial for the moment then dissipated as life’s circumstances changed.  There are times I have been an exceptional friend and did things right.  Then there have been those times I failed as a friend and did everything wrong.  But even with a good and bad track record, I recognize the need for other women in my life.

The foundation of any strong, healthy, balanced friendship is a relationship with Jesus. Just as God desires to be friends with us,God desires that we form godly friendships.  We need others.  Ecclesiastes 4 states many reasons why two are better than one and ends in verse 12 with: A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.  I believe that the cord of three strands is God, a friend, and you.  You cannot have a true binding friendship unless God is at the center of it. 

Believing that all friendships are the same is the biggest mistake most women make in building relationships. The heart has many chambers.  Each chamber needs to be filled with groups of people who meet our needs in various ways.  There are 3 levels of friendship:

1.  Social friends – women you see from time to time and visit a little bit about your lives 

2.  Smaller, closer group of friends – You open up your life more to them - it’s a deeper connection 

3.  Soul tie friendships – usually only a few your entire life who you are completely open and honest with, and who hold you accountable 

We need all three types of friends to be a well-rounded person.  I have a friend that I call to go to the theater because she’s a movie buff like me; another friend who is my shooting buddy and we go to the gun range; other friends I see weekly at Bible study; then there are a few who I journey much deeper with and share intimate details about our circumstances.  

I am always asked, “How do you build friendships?”  Let me offer a few tips.  Look for a few people who interest you.  Begin to communicate that you care in small ways, and invest in their lives.  If it doesn’t work – try again.  There are hundreds of potential friends out there! 

Finding the right friend begins with being the right friend. 

  1. Do things for them – send a card, call them, watch their children for an evening
  2. Spend time with them
  3. Listen
  4. Don’t judge
  5. Forgive – offer grace
  6. Always be there
  7. Pray for them and with them

The goal of our friendship is that we both grow into fully mature “little Christs,” which is the meaning of the word Christian.  The question I must ask is:  As your friend, how can I help you become more like Christ?  In everything we do together – play, work, endure, enjoy, hope, plan, dream, celebrate – in every moment of our friendship, this is my role.

What undiscovered blessings are you missing because you have not opened your life or your heart to a friend hand-picked by God.  He is weaving your life together with other individuals to create cords of three strands.  Will you let Him? 

Can you hear it?  There’s the doorbell ringing.  Can your heart come out and play?



About Shelley Pulliam   Read more by this author...

Howdy! (A girl from Oklahoma has to use this as her greeting) I’m Shelley Pulliam, executive director of Arise Ministries and former teacher of hormone-filled 8th graders. But my real claim to fame rests in my award as second grade spelling bee champ and my recent gun-handling skills as I train to competition shoot. It helps me be on guard when Satan comes knocking. I’m a voracious reader and can frequently be found at the theater enjoying movie marathons where my record stands at 6 in one day. I’m a single, never married, who loves to pour into children at every opportunity. Let me know if you have any for sale. You can connect with me at

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